Sex and the Soil
by il-bel-mondo
Summary: Under the hot Texas sun, Edward, works hard as Charlie's farmhand. Beads of sweat are rolling off him, a voice calls from behind the window pane. What'll happen when face that goes with the snarky, sensual voice appears just in time to mess with the help?
1. Chapter 1

**Twi-Fic Promotions "Don't Mess With the Help" Contest**

**Story Title: Sex & the Soil  
Pen name: il_bel_mondo & ipreferbrunettes (collab.)****Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended**

**_To view all other entries for the "Don't Mess With the Help Contest" visit the C2 community here __www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~dontmesswiththehelpcontest _**

**EPOV**

The bump and sway of the bus woke me from the terrible nap I was trying to take. The large, sweaty guy next to me on the bus smelled like cat piss and cigarettes. That was bad enough, but on top of it the lady who was sitting behind me and Sir-Smells-A-Lot _hummed_, fucking hummed for the last eight hours. If this was setting the pace for my summer, things did not look good.

I needed a break from my life and said as much on my last phone conversation with Jasper, my cousin. He always had a response and this time was no different. "A simple problem with a simple solution...come down to Texas for the summer."

So, on a whim, I packed up a gym bag and bought a bus ticket. This would be my first trip to Texas, my parents had never wanted to visit the South, so all vacations were above the Mason-Dixon line. All I had were Jasper's descriptions, and I'm pretty sure he was being an asshole when he said, "Yeah, man, everyone here rides a horse."

But what shocked me most when I stepped off the bus...I saw two people riding horses in the middle of the road. _Oh my fucking Bonanza._ Granted, cars flanked all sides of the riders, but still...horses on Main Street? Well color me cowboyed.

Evidently, I was standing with my mouth open, gaping at the street. So much so that when someone walked up beside me, I didn't notice him until a hard thump hit the middle of my forehead.

"What the fuck?" I bellowed and turned to see the culprit, who was about to get his ass whooped, and was met with my cousin Jasper's grinning face. I stepped back and really took him in; he didn't look much different than he did when we were eleven. Tall and lanky, with blonde, messy hair poking out from a tan cowboy hat, wearing a plaid shirt, tight jeans and pointy toed cowboy boots. _My cousin, the Marlboro man._

"Hey cousin, how was the trip?" A flawless, half-cocked Cullen grin resounded off Jasper's face and I knew he didn't need me to answer, but I did.

"Like riding in a litter box." The fake smile appeared and I even threw in the thumbs up. He patted my shoulder and laughed.

"That good, wow."

Two hours later we stepped outside of the small diner we'd holed up in. The place was the epitome of small town restaurant and had the best melt-in-your-mouth, gooey, pecan pie I'd ever tasted. It was served by the meanest, little, old, wrinkled harpy I'd ever met. I swear if we would have asked for something else her head would have exploded all over our licked-clean plates.

"Ready to head back to the house? My mom is waiting to see you." Jasper winked and I let my eyes bug out at the thought. Jasper's dad, my father's brother, was gone and his mother and my mother had a long history... of despising each other. Surely Aunt Maria only wanted to see me so that she could try and weasel something negative about my mom and why I was in Texas out of me.

"Mmmm, that sounds tempting, but I need to find a paper or something that has the want ads." I spoke aloud even though it was more to myself than Jas. Money was always an issue and this summer would be no different. I needed to be able to pay for my own things while I was here.

"Got it taken care of, Edward." Jasper's wicked, mischievous smile shone with pride. "You start first thing tomorrow. Get in the truck and I'll tell ya all about it... on the way to see my mom... _Eddie_." I cringed outwardly at my aunt's horrific nickname for me. _It's like the woman couldn't say the word "-ward," because every time I had said my name was Ed-WARD she just giggled. "oh, Eddie, such a silly boy."_

-xxx-

I had spent the whole evening dodging my aunt and her nosy-ass questions. I got to bed late and didn't sleep all that well. Isn't odd that once you hit the ultimate tired feeling your body punishes you by kicking in some adrenaline and refusing to let you rest?

After a night of tossing and turning, I bumped and bounced around the cab of Jasper's truck (my eyes shutting and opening with every movement felt) while he drove me to my summer job. The road got worse and I peered outside and set my eyes to the now-dirt road. A dirt fucking road.

A huge metal arch framed the grass-patched covered road. Bar None Ranch was spelled out in large, metallic, block letters along the curve. A heavy looking gate was latched closed at the base. While Jasper got out and unhooked the lock I read the signs that adorned it. Trespassers can and will be shot. Proud member of the NRA. No solicitation.

Whoa, Texas is turning out like every so-called stereotype I've seen on bad television. As I sat and worried over what type of boss I would have, Jasper yelled at me through the window.

"HEY! Earth to Edward. Didn't you hear me calling you?" Startled, I jumped in my seat and knocked my head on the roof. My hand shot to my scalp, rubbing gently. "Bwhaha, you okay?" Jasper asked and then with my glare as an answer he continued. "I need you to pull the truck forward so I can lock the gate back."

Cursing I slid over on the soft leather bench seat and pulled the truck through. When my cousin got back inside the truck, I was just re-clicking my seat belt into place. "Dude, why are you so pale? Is the heat too much for you and your Yankee temperment?"

"Naw, I was just thinking about that NRA sign." I sighed and ran my hand over my face and through my hair. "That's the gun group, right?"

"Oh c'mon, Edward, as soon as you turn of age here they hand you a NRA application with your driver's license renewal." He spoke like I was a complete idiot, and when I chanced an incredulous look at his face...I saw that I was. Jasper broke out into loud obnoxious laughter completely at my expense.

We hadn't pulled further than five feet when we heard a loud thump, a man had stepped into the road and had slapped the side of the hood. "Whatcha boys laughing at?"

"Oh hey, Charlie, I was just telling Edward here about the NRA's statewide campaign for recruitment." He grinned devilishly at the older man. I swear the guy's mustache moved and not his lips when he spoke, his eyes nothing but slits in his face. He kinda reminded me of Clint Eastwood-I half expected him to say "I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it."

Instead, I got this: "Did he use the driver's license or as part of Texas job applications?" My mouth must have dropped open as I stuttered something about driver's licenses.

Jasper said he had to run to his job and that he'd be back for me in at his lunch, but Charlie told him he could come at the end of his day. Jasper shot him a curious look and with a non-committal shrug he answered. "City boy's gonna have to get used to the heat sooner or later. Might as well be today."

After I closed the gate behind my cousin's truck, Charlie patted my shoulder and then without a word started walking up toward his house. The pretty blue colored paint was cracked and peeling in a few places, but you could tell Charlie maintained his house well. There was a wrap-around front porch, complete with rocking chairs and a porch swing. A lazy old dog lay its head across the top step, his ears perking with each step we took toward him.

"That's Sam, don't pay him any mind, he's old and honry, not to mention stubborn and full of himself." Charlie winked at me and I heard the dog growl at his description. "See what I mean?" Charlie patted the dog's head as we passed. Seated in two of the rocking chairs, we sat in silence for a few moments.

"Did Jasper tell you what you'd be doing out here?" I shook my head no. "I need a farmhand, you'll help with the animals and the handyman work that needs to be done. " I nodded my okay. "I only have two rules."

"Okay, sir."

"Make that three: Don't call me sir...ever. When you're here, you're here to work and finally Don't mess with my daughter." _Oh boy, this was going to be interesting._

**BPOV  
**

I watched him for nearly an hour before anything of relative importance happened. He was easily the most beautiful creature that ever lived, and certainly the best thing that ever happened to The Bar None Ranch.

He was so obviously not from here: for one thing his skin was pasty white. For another, he didn't have a hat or sunglasses on and thirdly, he was not wearing a gun.

Perched at my bedroom window, conveniently located right over the field where he was sowing seeds, I had an ideal view of the loathsomely delicious mancake that my father had evidently hired as summer help.

He had been diligently working, like I mentioned before, for about one hour in the hot Texas sun… and he still had all his clothes on. I got the inkling that he might be inhuman… he looked like a god, anyway. Maybe he was halfsies, like Hercules or something; it wouldn't have shocked me.

Anyway, there he was sweatin' to the oldies over some pre-germinated corn and he was wearing work boots, a grey t-shirt and sinful blue jeans- think Springsteen on the cover of Born in the USA- putting a serious hurt in all my bad places.

I started to pay a little more attention when he sighed heavily and dropped his arms from the seed spreader. He looked around apprehensively for a minute and then grasped the hem of his shirt.

"Oh now this is what I was waiting for, come to mama," I whispered, eyes locked on him.

He hesitated still. _Come ON_, I urged him with my mind, _let's see what's happening under that cotton blend_! But it looked like his conscience got the better of him and he ducked back down to return to his work.

"Ugh, just take it off!" His chin jerked up toward my window.

Oops.

Did I say that out loud?

Yes, and it was exasperated and rude-sounding.

Swell.

He made a visor out of his hand over his eyes and cocked his head to the side. What kind of dweeb doesn't own sunglasses?

A crooked smile pulled at his cheek. "Someone up there?"

I realized then that he couldn't see me. "Nobody here but us chickens," I called down playfully.

"Chickens want me to take my shirt off?"

"We're a very erotic bunch. All about the cock."

He did a poor job of hiding his grin.

I rummaged around in the desk drawer beside me without taking my eyes off him and he continued to stare blindly into my room.

"Can you catch?" I asked as I tossed a hunk of black plastic towards him.

His pale arm shot out just before it hit the dirt and grabbed what I had thrown. When he looked up again, they were on his face.

Ray-Ban Wayfarers.

Welcome to Texas, my friend.

-xxx-

He was still looking up blindly into my bedroom like he was waiting for what came next. Good thing he was so sexy, because he was clearly a terrible employee.

"Where are you from?" I asked him conversationally.

"That obvious, huh?" He sighed again. "What gave me away?"

"You don't have spurs that jingle jangle jingle. Don't let it bug you, though. We treat foreigners ok. Texas is the best country in the world," I said sardonically.

"Where are _you_ from?" he asked, lifting the hem of his shirt to mop some of the sweat from his forehead.

It took me a second to answer. When he picked his shirt up, there was this delicious slice of alabaster abdominal peeking out from between his T and the waistband of those perfectly-worn Levis. He may have been on the skinny side but he was all cut up underneath his clothes. Me like.

"Well, here, of course." Like I would live in Satan's armpit for any other reason than being born into it? Dumb _and_ useless. He certainly was lucky to be pretty.

"You don't have an accent."

Oh. That. I'd been practicing my non-regional diction since I first heard Tyra Banks talk like a white lady. It was when I realized that just because you are born one way, doesn't mean you have fall into the cookie cutter image that was provided to you. And fuck me if I was going to be a no-count, backwoods trash bag. I was going to live in New York City like Carrie Bradshaw as soon as I got out of high school and nobody would ever know that my birth certificate had a Confederate flag on it.

"I wanna fit in when I break outta here," I answered succinctly. Ten years ago, my mother had lived and died a hillbilly life in this podunk town and I was going to get away for the both of us. She was never meant for a place like Texas and I sure as shit wasn't going to be either.

The Farmer in the Dell did his sexy shirt-wipe thing again. The bottom of the grey material was nearly soaked through by that point. "For real, why don't you just take it off. He doesn't care."

"Who?"

Seriously, stupider than a bag of dicks. I wished I was taping this so that the next time someone tried to insinuate that Southerners were somehow inferior, I could show them how ass-tarded a Yank could be.

"Charlie. Your boss...?" I tried.

"Oh. Right. You sure?" His eyes shifted around and he looked nervous, maybe a little self conscious too. Poor little lamb.

"Yeah. I've been a slave here long enough to know." He balked a little when I said it. What? It's been nearly 200 years, I can't make slave jokes yet? It's not like I said something insensitive about the BP oil spill or - gasp - Sarah Palin's failed run at vice presidency. Everyone needs to lighten the fuck up.

"Are you the housekeeper?" he asked earnestly.

"Yeah, something like that," I answered with a wry smile that he, of course, wasn't privy to.

"Do you take your shirt off when you work?" That crooked smile worked up into the corner of his cheek again. I was impressed with his boldness. For all he knew I could be a 250 pound old lady who smelled like goat cheese, and he was flirting, sight-unseen? Ballsy, city boy, very ballsy.

"No, but only because there's central air."

"And you have the window open? That seems a bit wasteful."

"Funny, I was just thinking the same about your shirt."

He smirked and finally pulled it up over his head.

Hot DAMN that was some pale skin!

"Can I get those sunglasses back? The glare off your ghostly body is blinding me," I said around a giggle.

"Lay off, we don't get this kind of weather in Washington."

"But there is a sun there, yes?" I could not get over his beautiful, chalky body. He was like a Greek sculpture of perfection... but actually made from the white marble. It was a little gross and kind of a turn on at the simultaneously.

His skin was starting to pink up already. He might actually ignite if he didn't get some sunblock on immediately. I rummaged around in the drawer again and tossed a brown bottle down to him, which he caught almost without looking. Maybe what he lacked in pigmentation he made up for with feline reflexes.

"That delicate flesh of yours is going to char in about four seconds. Put that on," I instructed from my Rapunzel tower.

I watched as he slathered it onto his body obediently. From his neck, down to his shoulders and the length of his sinewy arms, across those blissful pecs and then finally to the span of rigid compartments that made up his six-pack.

I had been so enthralled with watching him touch himself that it took me a minute to realize what I'd just done.

The boy sparkled in the sun.

"Hey, what the _fuck_?" he yelled up in an angsty cry, "why am I glittering?"

I was shaking with laughter. He looked so fucking ridiculous and completely sexy at the same time. This kid was all kinds of weird dichotomies that made me horny.

"I'm sorry," I said, gasping for air through my fitful guffaws, "it was the only sun protection that was up here."

He finally looked at the bottle. "It says 'Hot Bod Glitter Tanning Oil!'" he shouted in exasperation, "and it's only SPF 4!"

"Um, that's better than SPF 0 which is what you had on. Besides, you look good. I like my men sparkly."

"I LOOK like Tinkerbell!" he whined.

"Yeah well, Tink doesn't talk so shut your trap about it. Look around, Fairy Princess, there's nobody here for miles. I think your manhood is safe." Until I get down there, but that's a whole new context.

"I guess," he grumbled his compliance and finally turned his attention back to the seed spreader.

"I know right? Get back to work. All this so I could see you looking like Casper when you're half naked."

He smiled against his will. "I'm Edward, by the way," he said without looking up, pushing the sower in front of him.

"Good to meet you Edward. There's some water in the cooler by the barn door. Try not to die of heat stroke on your first day; the boss doesn't like that." I stuck my arms out and made to close the window.

"Hey, what's your name, anyway?" he asked.

I hesitated. It would do him no good to find out I was Charlie's daughter.

"Carrie," I tried out.

The smile reappeared once more. "Pleasure to meet you, Carrie."

Oh baby, you have _no_ idea.

-xxx-

**EPOV**

Oh hell, the voice from beyond the window pane was haunting my brain. My focus was shot and I was left wondering what the woman with the slick mouth looked like. _Did you just think about a slick mouth?_ And fuck if my inner perv wasn't reeling from lack of sex.

The rest of my day was spent mumbling under my breath and reeking havoc on the poor ground with the seed spreader. _Snort, seed spreader-you haven't used one of those in a while. _Now, I was praying that my mental horn dog would shut up for the last hour of my day. To placate the beast I promised to rub one out as soon as the bathroom door locked behind me at my aunt's house. Thankfully, not one more dirty, sex-driven thought popped up in my head.

Charlie walked up behind me and patted my shoulder, I winced as soon as he made contact.

"Son, you're redder than a lobster that's hit the water in a soup pot." Grimacing I looked down at my torso. Red couldn't even describe the tone of my skin. Blotchy, smears of sparkles on pale flesh zebra'd with horrendous scarlet stripes. And I almost cried out in pain when mindlessly I poked my fingers into the toasted flesh and saw it turn from white to a deepened crimson. The seared flesh almost sizzled as I tried to cover it with my sweat drenched shirt.

"Crap," was the best thing I could manage on the exhale of breath as it left my pained, tensed body.

Laughter rang out from Charlie. "Better have your cousin stop and get some of that aloe gel the tourists have to buy. Texas sunshine will get you every time." He reached to smack my shoulder in the midst of his guffaws bought caught himself and then exploded into louder chortles at my panic-stricken face. "Slather on the gel tonight and drink loads of water, then be here bright and early tomorrow...with some sunscreen on."

As he started walking back toward the gate, I amiably followed behind him, leaving the seeder at the door to what I mistakenly called a barn. It's a tool shed, evidently. Idling at the gate's entrance was Jasper's truck. I was never more happy to see him. Not any holiday he visited. Not when I got to fist pound him after the first time I got laid. Not even when he was rescuing me from his mother's horrendous flirtation. Never. More. Happy.

My body cringed involuntarily as the fabric of my hundred-percent cotton shirt ran over my skin. The knit felt much too much like a Brillo pad. My cousin eyed me then my beet colored forearms and sighed.

"My mom is gonna kill me for ruining your Yankee alabaster skin." I snorted and he joined Charlie in laughing at me...once again. The road that dipped and rose this morning in an amusement park style now was like a horrific torture session by a not-so-skilled tattoo artist. "So how was your first day?" Jasper finally broke the silence.

"It was fine, minus the sunburn. I think I met a girl." As soon as the words passed my lips Jasper's face tensed and a thin set line now showed for his mouth. Hands were tight on the steering wheel, the white in his knuckles becoming prevalent. "Didn't Charlie warn you? Edward you don't wanna mess around there."

"He warned me about his daughter but this lady said she was the maid," He looked like he was thinking hard while I spoke, so I added, "and I didn't even see her...we spoke through an open window...said her name was Carrie." The name was spoken and no reaction came. He sat with his lips pursed but nothing more.

"Carrie?" He asked and I nodded. "Well his daughter's name is Bella, not Carrie. But I never knew he had a maid. Charlie is pretty self-sufficient and doesn't like to ask for help. Matter-of-fact the last guy that worked there was the first and he got fired for being too helpful.

"What do you mean, how can you be too helpful on a job?"

"He was always asking Charlie if he could help him inside the house with chores, he'd stay late and work outside, finding things to do. Those things to do included Bella, and those chores happened to occur in her bedroom. Charlie fired him by chasing him outta the house, pants around his ankles, with a shotgun."

"Wow." I whispered.

"Yeah, poor Jacob swore he was in love with her and her with him, but the next time he saw her...she was walking hand in hand down the sidewalk on Main Street with the guy from the feed store that Charlie shops at. Needless to say his daughter no longer runs to the store for him."

I thought, silently, over the types of girls from back home and how my last girlfriend had also had the rotating fuck buddy syndrome. RFBS for short. I was instantly glad that I hadn't met Bella but Carrie this morning.

The rest of our ride was spent in silence pondering on both sides of the bench seat. And before Jasper could slide the gear shift into park, I hopped out of the truck and ghosted into the house. The annoyed look on my aunt's face said it all, she wanted to know why I looked the way I did.

"I forgot to reapply my sunscreen." Simply stated. I shrugged and made my way to the bathroom.

The hot water felt like spikes hitting my skin and the cool water was a better fit...that is until the air hit me and my skin rose with goosebumps and shivers that caused the pain to sky-rocket, making any thought of sexually molesting myself null and void.

I tried to towel off only to find this made everything worse, including the thought of missing overcast Washington. I covered myself with the terrycloth sandpaper and stepped across the hall to my room. Lying in the middle of my bed was a bottle of what looked like hair gel, but when I picked it up I saw that it read "AloeGel-sunburn soothing gel."

_Guess Charlie was wrong, it's not just for tourists._

Dinner smelled spicy and looked like someone, *cough* my aunt, threw a can of chili on top of a microwaveable burrito and coated it all with cheese...or a cheese like substance. From the face my cousin was making I was all too sure I had hit the nail on the head. I saw his head drop and began shaking in an un-utterable "no."

Seconds later my phone vibrated in my pocket. **E-Wanna hit the diner up? ~Jas** I was bobbing my head without looking up at him, I knew that he saw it.

"I'm not feeling too well," I spoke to my aunt as I pushed my plate away. "Jas could you run my to the store? I need some better sunscreen for tomorrow."

My internal thoughts buzzed wondering what Carrie would say about my _Yankee tan_ if I heard from her tomorrow. I could only hope so as I shoveled some pot roast in my mouth. Jasper peppered me with questions about Washington and why I needed to take a break. I gave him vague answers because truthfully, I didn't really know myself.

Carrie, unfortunately, stayed in my thoughts all through dinner and I found myself lost in thought when the waitress snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Did you want some dessert, sugar?"

I ordered some blackberry cobbler with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. It was the only the blocked everything from my mind. No sunburn pain, No Washington thoughts. And mostly no thoughts of the girl hidden behind a pane of glass with a smart mouth and a mysterious allure.


	2. Chapter 2

**Twi-Fic Promotions "Don't Mess With the Help" Contest**

**Story Title: Sex & the Soil  
Pen name: il-bel-mondo & ipreferbrunettes (collab.)  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**_To view all other entries for the "Don't Mess With the Help Contest" visit the C2 community here __www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~dontmesswiththehelpcontest _**

**BPOV**

I thought of little else that night than Edward's sunburned skin. And how I wanted to soothe every inch of it with the tip of my tongue.

I'd closed the window citing central air but it was really so he wouldn't hear my wanton shrieks of passion as I played out a concerto on my clit thinking about him. Seriously, what a hot mess he'd turned out to be.

That cock had my name written all over it.

Now it was just a matter of getting him alone and figuring out a way to fuck where there would be no skin-to-skin contact... because his was probably melting off his bones at this point. This was SO going to happen though. He was half in love with me already and he hadn't even seen my ass in those tiny, denim cutoffs made for a girl with half my legs and a quarter of my ass. If I was a gambling woman, I'd wear those shorts to Vegas. Those were seal-the-deal, bankrupt the casino shorts.

I went to bed thinking of him and slept fitfully through strange dreams about lobsters having sex.

-xxx-

A farm day starts early. About six hours earlier than a Bella Swan day, so I'd managed to become a pretty heavy sleeper over the years. I wasn't going to let Charlie's idiotic livelihood buttfuck my summer and I learned to stay unconscious through almost anything that was happening outside.

When I rolled out of bed at the crack of noon, the workday was more than half over. I shuffled downstairs and lit the stove to fry some eggs for breakfast and while the pan was heating up, I let my gaze wander to the window above the sink... and almost choked on my coffee.

Edward was in the corral with Rosie, our old stubborn mare, pulling helplessly at her bridle, trying to get her to move to the stable. I heard his muffled pleas through the closed window: "Come on baby, please? For me?" He stroked her mane lovingly.

She kicked him.

"Ow! Ok bitch, we can do this your way," he grunted, yanking once more on her equipment. "Let's go, you whore." He swung around and - I shit you not - spanked the horse.

This time I really did choke as I aspirated the caffeine into my lungs. I shot the window open just as he was winding up for another slap on the ass.

"Can I be next?" I called out to him, giggling.

Both hands fell to his sides. "I, uh, she... she won't move."

"You don't say."

"I'm supposed to clean out the corral but I can't get her out of it. I'm... not very good with animals."

"Rosie likes a man to buy her dinner before he starts spanking."

"I just... I didn't... she wouldn't..." he stammered, fighting for the right words that would justify sexually assaulting my ancient horse.

I reached into the fridge and pulled out a Polly-O string cheese, unwrapped it, and offered it out the window. "Here, Rosie, come here, girl, and have some cheese."

Rosie took off at a gallop, leaving Edward in a cloud of dust as she met me at the window. "Atta girl," I soothed quietly as she ate the cheese and pressed her face against my hand. "Well, come and get her, dummy!" I shouted at Old McDonald.

He loped over and I passed him some more mozzarella sticks. "If this is indicative of your skill with all females then I wasted a great deal of time picturing you naked last night. Though that spanking gave me a few more ideas for later." He grasped my fingers as I pressed the cheese into his palm and jerked me forward til I was hanging half out the window.

"That's an awfully pretty mouth for saying such dirty things."

I realized it was the first time he had actually seen me. He raked me with his eyes and nodded approvingly, I could sense his relief that it wasn't a lagoon creature shamelessly flirting through the window yesterday. He brought his gaze back up to my face and lifted an eyebrow conspiratorially, like he knew we were both thinking about the same thing.

Which we obviously were.

Leaning as far as I could out the window, I searched desperately for somewhere on his body that I could put my hands that wouldn't send him to the ground in writhing pain... stupid effing sunburn. The only spot I found to be safe was his hair, which was fine by me. I threaded my fingers into it and he wrapped his hands around my ribcage to support my weight. I placed a featherlight kiss on his mouth and turned his head to the west, pressing my lips to his ear.

"Edward?" I whispered seductively.

"Mm?" He acknowledged, eyes closed and boner visibly pressing against his zipper.

"Your horse is getting away."

He jerked his head back in the other direction to see Rosie's ass trotting farther and farther away from him.

"Rosie, NO!" he cried, and took off at a full run after her.

He dropped me so quick the top half of my body that he had be holding up slackened and my belly slammed into the windowsill. I picked myself back up, chuckling, and righted my posture in the kitchen.

Which was now full of smoke from the pan I had left on the stove in full flames. The acrid smell scratched at the inside of my nose.

My breakfast was burning. But not nearly as much as my loins.

-xxx-

I waited another day before I made my move.

One, because I thought the more time his skin had to heal, the better, and two because I had to set an alarm to get up early enough to execute the plan while he was still here and with enough time to do some seriously dirty stuff. We were going to fuck on the clock.

I got up around 10 and popped in the shower. Just because dirty farm sex was on the agenda didn't mean I wanted to smell like a barn stall. About an hour later, I made my way outside and waited for opportunity to knock. She always did for me. I think she supports my sluttiness.

Edward was wearing the Ray-Bans of course, and they were sliding down his nose as rivulets of sweat made their way down the beautiful planes of his face. How did he look so good sweating? He was crouched in the flowerbed at the front of the house, digging into the crusty earth with a spade, a flat of impatiens at his side.

Le sigh. Too easy.

I leaned up against a post on the porch. "Not really a gardener either, are you?"

His shoulders fell and he raised his head to me, and his I guess he thought I couldn't see him mentally undressing me behind the shades, but I totally could.

"I'm not particularly good at this job," he finally admitted.

"That's ok, I bet you make up for it in other ways."

The crooked smile appeared and I got a little wet.

"So what am I doing wrong this time?" he asked, sounding a little defeated.

"You need to aerate that soil, nothing's gonna thrive in there."

"And I do that by...?"

"Follow me, cowboy, there's a tiller in the barn, I'll show you where it is."

"I thought that was a tool shed!" he exclaimed.

I walked past him and felt his eyes on my ass as he followed. I was _so_ going to bankrupt Edward's casino today.

-xxx-

**EPOV**

I should not have been alone with her.

I should _not_ have been alone with her.

I knew that Charlie had warned me about Bella but he hadn't said anything about other employees. Even still, I was supposed to be working right now, not leering at the very hot ass clad in very tiny shorts. Carrie was bent at the waist, her right heel lifted off the barn floor just enough that her calf muscles were defined and her ass was at a wonderfully inviting tilt.

She was explaining something but my brain had ceased to work while my cock was on a overload of thoughts. Originally, she'd said she was going to show me where the tiller was so I could "aerate" the flowerbeds, but at first sight of the woman from behind the window below the waist, I'd lost the ability to think properly.

She was beyond sexy. Long brown hair was held in a high ponytail, soft wisps of it escaped along the nape of her neck. Her feet were tucked into tiny, worn leather cowboy boots, and her legs, long and shapely, disappeared behind the tattered and frayed edges of denim shorts. I could swear at the angle I was standing, that she was wearing a pair of pink and black lacey underwear.

"See if you just look right over here..." She glanced coyly over her shoulder at me and pointed toward the ground just in front of her. And seriously, the cool, suave response I had wouldn't come out of my mouth and my feet stuttered. MY. Feet. Stuttered. The toe of my shoe caught on a invisible obstacle on the floor and almost caused me to lose my footing and face-plant it at the pointed toe of her boots.

"W-wh-where?" I paused a few feet behind her and tried to stand on tip toes to see what it was she needed. She stopped watching me and turned her attention forward. Then the worst/best thing happened.

Carrie bent over again to show me what the tip of her finger was directing me to, unfortunately my dick took over when her ass pushed right in to it. At the moment of contact she froze, her plump behind pressed flush against the pulsing of my penis.

"Umm, I'm sorry." I rushed the words out and without a second thought my hands wrapped around the curve of her hip. I intended to push her-just a bit-off my junk. Her hands covered mine, well partially covered, her thumb and pinky wrapping at my wrist.

My breath was gone, and my lungs seemed happy to not protest the lack of oxygen as I watched my hands being guided over her hip and out of sight. I could feel the smooth, silky skin of Carrie's stomach, the tips of my fingers grazing the rough edge of denim, a stark contrast to the soft caress of flesh under my palm. I was so close to pulling back when my middle finger hit the open flap where her shorts should have been zipped up tight.

My mind jumped at the conclusion of what was happening, as did my hands. Her grip only slightly faltered before she thrust our twined hands down the front of her open daisy dukes. Carrie whimpered and arched her back, effectively shoving her ass into my now very hard erection. I winced at the rough contact and then swallowed the lump that was lodged in my throat.

Our hands were in a frozen pose. Hers were clamped on my wrist, nails beginning to dig, a moan leaving her lips. That's when the recognition slapped me hard across my sunburned cheek. Carrie's lacey (color yet to be confirmed) panties were thoroughly soaked.

Damp fabric was now equal to heaven in my mind's eye. My head inadvertently fell forward, my nose buried itself in her hair, my forehead rested atop her head. The hay crunched against the creaking floor of the old barn. It nearly echoed around us as the quiet was still undisturbed.

Some part of my brain was still screaming that I shouldn't be doing this. But that part was growing smaller and smaller with each twitch of my dick. She was mewling and grinding into me, my nails and fingertips grazing over the fabric that hid her away from me.

Our legs became tangled together and we both stumbled forward... and that's when I saw it. Where she had been pointing. A stack of hay set in the rear corner of the barn was covered with a comforter. A make-shift bed. I grinned at the thought that the quick witted woman hidden in the house was also quick to decide what she wanted.

My hands rose over her stomach and encircled her waist. With a squeal, she was lifted off the ground, my arms pulling her closer as I carried her toward the hay stack. With a soft thud I spun her to land on the bales. A very primal look overtook her face.

Carrie inched her way back until her back hit one of the taller cubes of hay. Her knees were in a delectable bend, slightly apart, there was almost enough room for me to crawl up in between her thighs. Which was exactly where I wanted to be. This dark haired devil would be the death of me if Charlie caught us out here.

My hands clamped around her leather encased ankles. I smirked at her, then pulled her flat on her back, her ass close to falling off the edge. Her sexy little smile left a wide perfect "O" on her lips.

Using her surprise to my advantage, my hands slid up her legs, gripped the fraying hem of her shorts and yanked them down. Fuck me, I was right... pink and black lace underwear. But what I hadn't even fathomed... the open slit of fabric that ran down her panties, a wicked hint of glistening pink peaking through.

My heart stopped then boomed in my chest; the quickened pace left me feeling like my ribs would be bruised later. But did I care? Hell fucking no, the girl was wearing crotchless panties, sprawled over stacked bales of hay and eye fucking the shit outta me.

Then stoically I stood there and gaped at the slow motion movements of her petite hands as they worked over the denim covering my cock. As soon as I moaned, a triumphant smile posted on her face and she made quick work of the button and zipper on my Diesels. _I see now, it's going to be a tit-for-tat for dominance with this one._

I could handle this, all of my pent up sexual frustration could rear its head and all would be right with the world... this was going to be fun. When Carrie leaned up to try and push my jeans down off my hips, I bent slightly and my teeth grazed over the flesh just above her collar bone. She half-squeaked, half-moaned.

Her body arched back into a graceful curve, her shoulders dropping to the blanket. I hitched her knees up to rest along the line of my hips, her heels pressed into my ass, trying to push me forward. Her face tightened with want and I wasn't giving it to her.

"Please." The plea that escaped her lips was what I had waited on. My right hand left the dip behind her knee and wound around the base of my erection. My legs braced on the "bed" and I pressed just the head of my cock inside her.

My head fell back as I stilled myself, trying to get the urge to pound into her under control. I let out my held breath and looked down upon the raven-haired beauty, her eyes were closed her mouth parted, and her hands were fisted in the blanket. Fucking sexy.

I pushed further inside her, the evidence of her arousal easing me in. Her walls kneaded and massaged my dick once it buried deep inside her. Her ass was, again, the driving force as it pushed flush against my balls - the pressure on them made me want to explode. It was like an orgasmic vice grip that was close to releasing me in an embarrassingly short performance.

I closed my eyes and concentrated all of my efforts to holding on and not losing my nut. My body took over and started with slow short strokes, Carrie's feet roughly nudging me to move faster and deeper. I obliged with the first but not the second...my balls were not ready to implode at first smack into her skin.

The feel of her wrapped around me was the most erotic thing I'd ever experienced. We just fit one another. Using my butt as a ledge she lifted her ass of the hay and provided me with better position. It was so good, her pussy clenched and caressed me. My hands tightened around her waist, guiding her movements.

To hell with not feeling her all the way. I used all the upper body strength I had to keep her at this angle and drove into her, fast and hard. My pace quickened and her nails dug into my forearms in a searing painful and delicious way. Neither of us had made a sound, I'm sure we were trying to keep from Charlie hearing. At least I was.

But in one fluid moment I buried myself inside her and she moaned out, "Oh fuck me, Edward."

I lost it. My pace was screwed, literally, into erratic thrusts as her walls clamped down around my shaft pushed me further over the edge than I had ever gone.

We crumpled into each other, heaving breath and sweaty tangled limbs.

"Maybe I should have spoke up earlier, but good Lord boy, you have stamina," she giggled out.

I felt her breath on my shoulder and was oddly delighted by it. But the moment was gone, when I slid out of her and noticed that her crotchless underwear were torn at the hip and the once small opening now met the side tear.

"Oh, Carrie, I'm sorry I didn't realize I'd torn them." I said it in a joking manner, but it was true, I smirked a little at being so lost in the feel of her that I'd torn her clothing. But as I looked up at her face I saw a sad look to her eyes and a tight line in her mouth.

"What did you call me?" She hoarsely asked, her eyes welling up and glistening.

"I called you Carrie, your name...?" As the words left my mouth her face face reddened and she hurriedly tried to pull her shorts back on, before bolting from the barn.

I sat there, surrounded by the scent of sex hanging heavy in the air from our afternoon romp and running my hands through my wild hair, wondering what that fuck I had said wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

**Twi-Fic Promotions "Don't Mess With the Help" Contest**

**Story Title: Sex & the Soil  
Pen name: il_bel_mondo & ipreferbrunettes (collab.)  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**_To view all other entries for the "Don't Mess With the Help Contest" visit the C2 community here __www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~dontmesswiththehelpcontest _**

**BPOV**

Carrie? Who the fuck is Carrie?

I've done some freaky fucking shit during sex, but this one took the fucking cake. Generally after people come in me they remember my name. I don't think it's an outlandish request.

Carrie.

I don't even look like a Carrie. I am _so_ not a Carrie.

Picture a dramatic pause where I pick up my own _Sex & the City_ reference and realize that I told the poor fucking boy my name was Carrie three days ago.

Well this was a mess.

He was probably in the barn right now giving his flaccid peepee a pep talk about how it wasn't its fault that I did a hump and dump on our afternoon delight.

Ugh.

If I ever wanted a encore performance of the opera of awesome he did on my gine an hour ago, I had to go fix this debacle.

I took off the ruined panties and tossed them, sliding my shorts back on commando. I washed my face and slapped my cheeks a little, trying to get in the zone for what I had to do next.

Slowly, I trudged the distance back to the barn with no discernible game plan. I was just going to wing it. I pulled the door open and saw him sitting where I had left him, on a blanket-covered bale of hay, eying his fingers which he twisted in his lap restlessly.

"Hey," I offered.

He looked up at me. "You ok? I'm really sorry, Carrie, I don't know what I said but I never meant to-"

"No, we're cool," I interrupted him before he could make himself look like anymore of a puss.

"But you ran out of here so fast, and you seemed so upset," he lamented.

"Yeah, I had to pee." Ok, maybe winging it wasn't as brilliant as I'd thought it would be. Maybe some things require just a little bit of forethought.

"You... had to... pee?" he asked, confused.

"Yes, Edward, everyone pees, or did you not read that book in kindergarten."

"That book is called _Everyone Poops_," he corrected.

"Oh no, girls don't poop. Fallacy."

He cracked a smile at me. I think we'd crossed the bridge.

He stood up and I walked slowly towards his outstretched arm, which he slung around me and pulled me tight to him. "You're a shitty farmhand," I started, my mouth pressed to his ear, "but you're a pretty good fuck." I flicked my tongue out to lick the shell of it. His hands slid down my back and cupped my ass as he brought his face down to mine, pulling my lower lip between his teeth and alternately biting and sucking it.

"These shorts are dangerous," he mumbled into my skin, sliding his forefinger around the hem at the inner thigh and slipping it up to meet the once-more overheated and slippery wet flesh there. "Oh, Carrie," he moaned at the contact.

Every time he said it my nerves grated a little, but what was I supposed to do now? Tell him the truth? Fat fucking chance. No way he'd fuck me again if he found out I was a liar _and_ a slut. I just had to swallow it. Not like I haven't done _that_ before.

The way he bucked his hips up into me with the rock hard cock solidified my decision. It was like an offering and while I'm usually not comfortable accepting presents, this was the kind of gift I could get down with.

I put my arms around his neck and jumped up, wrapping my legs around his waist as I kissed sloppily along the column of his neck. He put a hand under each of my ass cheeks to hold me up and I pressed my breasts into his chest.

Just when stuff was about to get good, I heard a definitive boner-murder stomping towards the barn.

"BELLA!" Charlie bellowed, mere feet away.

I pulled my face away from Edward's and frantically pressed a finger to my lips, begging him with my eyes to understand how important it was that he not make a single fucking sound.

We were frozen in place, twined inextricably together in the silent barn, where the only dim light came from shafts of sun that pushed through errant cracks in the roof. The angry footsteps stopped. I knew better than to think that meant we were safe.

The heavy barn door swung open, slamming back against the wall and chattering on the hinges. Light flooded the floor and a menacing silhouette filled the frame. Not menacing because he was particularly big or scary, though. Moreso because of the shotgun hanging all willy-nilly from a strap on his right shoulder.

He took a step into the barn. I reluctantly peeled myself from Edward's body.

"If you're looking for Bella, sir, she's not in here. It's just us," Edward explained quickly. "I'm, uh, on my break."

Charlie wrinkled his nose and looked at Edward like he had just said that the stars at night were not big and bright deep in the heart of Texas.

He seemed like he was about to say something but I cut in. "Charlie-"

"Not now, Bella," he interrupted without taking his gaze from Edward. The strap slid down his arm and he wrapped his fingers around the stock of the gun.

Edward's sunburned face went white.

"Did I, or did I not, tell you to stay away from my daughter?" Charlie asked, leveling the gun at Edward's chest.

"She's... she's not your daughter!" Edward yelled hysterically.

"How dumb do you think I am, boy?" Charlie pumped the fore end of the gun and a shell fell out. The sound was just about comparable to a sonic boom.

I tried once more. "Charlie, I-"

"SAVE IT, Bella!"

I think I heard Edward's knees knocking together. I wished he wouldn't be so scared. Charlie had never _actually_ shot anyone... that I know of.

Edward looked at me then. It was a horrific look of life-ruining betrayal, like he couldn't believe I hadn't told him who I really was. I felt bad for him, really, it's not like he would have gone for a roll in the hay if he knew I was Bella, the elusive succubus of Charlie's forewarning. It was sort of my fault that me was staring down the muzzle of a shotgun. That had to be really fucking scary. I wouldn't blame him if he peed his pants. _Everyone pees_, I mouthed to him over Charlie's shoulder.

I don't think he was paying attention to me, though.

"I was doing it for your benefit, son" Charlie said sadly, like it was really unfortunate that he was going to have to kill his new farmhand.

"I'm so sorry, sir, I swear I didn't know. I never would have..." he trailed off, or maybe I stopped listening.

Hold the fucking phone, _never_?  
_  
More important things_, my conscience chided, _Charlie might shoot your fuck buddy_.

"I told him I was the maid," I finally got out a sentence without Charlie silencing me, but he quirked an eyebrow like he didn't quite think it was the truth. "It's not his fault. I pursued him."

"Oh well that I have no trouble believing," Charlie said defeatedly. He looked over at Edward's quaking form and then back at me. I did a palms-up and shrugged like: _Hey, I'm a skank, what can I say_.

"This true?" he asked Edward.

I could see chivalry rising up in him the way his dick did when I shimmied against it in my denim cutoffs but this was no time to defend the honor I'd lost so long ago. I nodded violently behind Charlie's back so Edward knew to agree.

"Yes, sir," Edward said, looking at the ground.

"Ahh, shit," Charlie sighed, clicking the safety back on his gun and swinging it over his shoulder. "I tried to tell you kid to stay away, kid. It wasn't cause I wanted to protect her. I lose so much Goddamn business from all the ties I have to sever because of idiots with their heads up her skirt... I didn't want to be down another man for the summer."

"Have you killed any of them?" Edward asked earnestly, eyes on the shotty.

"Shit, no! But they all wind up ass over elbows in love with her and nobody gets any damn work done! So I get rid of them, and it makes work even harder for me. Things would be a lot easier if my daughter wasn't such a skank."

"Um, I can hear you," I interjected. So what? _You just thought the same thing moments ago_, my hoor of a conscience pointed out. Ok, point taken.

Charlie waved a hand at me dismissively. "So... do you love her?" he asked Edward with his head hung, like he already knew the answer.

"No, sir," Edward said authoritatively. My ego stumbled back a little bit from the harsh blow. "Not even a little," he added with pride. Unnecessary roughness.

"Really?" Charlie perked up. "So you'll stay the summer, then?" I couldn't believe I was watching this happen. Like, is this seriously my life?

"If you'll have me, sir, I'd be happy to."

Charlie broke into a grin. "That's great kid, glad you're on board. But Edward..." Edward raised his eyebrows in acknowledgment. "Stop fuckin' callin' me sir." Charlie stuck out his hand and Edward pumped it in a furious handshake. "Now... get back to work," he grunted and walked out of the barn.

Edward's entire body visible unclenched and I closed the distance between us.

"So... not even a _little_ bit?" I asked with a small smile.

"You almost got me killed, Bella," he said flatly.

"I like how you say my name," I pushed a wild piece of that gorgeous hair out of his eyes and let my fingers linger on his face. Taking a step closer, I put my body flush against his and tickled my nails down the length of his spine.

"Ok, maybe a little," he acquiesced, pressing his mouth to my lips.

I gave him one chaste kiss and took a step back. "Well you heard the man, get back to work." I turned and walked towards the exit.

"Bella," I faced him once more. "You know I said what I did so that I could keep my job, right? There's no me and you if I get sent back to Washington this summer." He crossed the floor to reach me. "I'd like to keep seeing you."

"By 'seeing me' you _do_ mean seeing me naked, yes?" I asked.

"Of course," he clarified.

"I think I'm agreeable to that." He kissed me once more and then walked back over in the general direction of our make-shift bed.

"What are you doing?" I asked, following a step behind him.

"Looking for that tiller. Gotta aerate the soil you know. Charlie told me to get back to work," he answered, digging at equipment under tarps with his back to me.

I gave him an affectionate tap on the ass as I walked away, calling over my shoulder with a smirk, "Carrie on."

No matter what anybody tells you, mess with the help. Your vagina will thank you.

-xxx-

**EPOV**

I heard Carr...err, Bella leave the barn. The pun she'd just shouted still hung in the air. I simply shook my head and tried the hold back the smile. Bella Swan would be the death of me. She almost was already. But I'd be goddamned if sunburns and shotguns were going to keep me from burying my dick in her as often as possible.

Charlie had given me fair warning and I had told Bella the truth. There would be no more "us" if I'd had to leave. I may not be in love with her _yet_ but I definitely couldn't imagine going the summer without feeling her lips pressed against my flushed skin. So with my head held high and the damned tiller in hand I walked back to the small flower bed.

The rest of the day passed without incident. I happily ran through my chores with a little skip in my step, all the while planning my next encounter with the enigma that is Bella Swan: skanky farmer's daughter. As I grabbed the reins around Rosie's neck and led her to the trough I heard a familiar snicker behind me.

"Hey, cowboy, whatcha smirking about? Rosie finally give in with the pseudo S&M you're trying to pull?" I looked over my shoulder and sure enough the brunette vixen was eye-fucking me from the open shutters of what I now knew to be her bedroom window.

My dick twitched in response and I knew that this would be a summer to remember. "How does the song go?" I called up to her, "Save a horse, ride the hired help?" I gave her my best mischievous smile and a wink before turning back to that mare and firmly planting my palm on her hind-quarters. The giggle that erupted from the house had followed what sounded like an aroused gasp.

Internally, my mind was already planning out our next "adventure," I'm sure Bella wouldn't mind doing a little role play...hell, she already had been for the past few days. I wonder if you could get a French maid's costume outside of Halloween...

Game on.


End file.
